Home Practice #2

Murphy's Law- nothing is as easy as it seems. And since I am a Murphy...
 subtle shifts, change, release and repeat.
Releasing stiffness feels the same as releasing fear.
It melts away the more I try. 
A Growl. A Grunt. A sigh. A long hummmm, haaaaa or aaaahh.
A moan. A melody. A giggle. A tickle. A dance.
A lot of pain from a little stretch reminds me that I promised myself I would live a certain way and I get closer each day.

This is not a race. You are not running, Sarah Kelly. You are not playing tennis.
It's a seduction. A delicate, precious interaction that can not be rushed. No negotiating.

As I practice, I have trouble remembering to soften.
Allow myself to bend and fall slowly. Succumb.
Give it time. Abandon thought. Give it a bit more muscle from the core.
Soften again.
Allow the process to unfold. This can not be pursued or it will run away. Do not rush it and spoil the fun.

Sometimes a little breakaway can be a great assist.
Getting away from people makes you less available to them, but it also makes you more available to yourself. (This always makes you a greater contribution later.)

This personal time is filled with bliss and lessons.
"Listen" says Rumi.

The hollow (clip from the novel- fiction and what's a novel without romance?)

It hurt to look at her.
The pain oozed from her eyes like blood from a fresh war wound.

"I just don't see the purpose. It seems to be people doing something everyone else is doing."
Morgan said delicately while sipping her favorite vino fresh off the vine, with a moan that belonged with a lover.

As if what she was saying made perfect sense she continued "...something humans do to trick themselves into believing that they are in control some how. As if things aren't always changing. As if we are not animals in nature."

She smiled.
She lied.
She couldn't prevent her own death,
but she still lived.

Morgan did not acknowledge the blank stares coming from the astonished gentleman who was brought here to meet her. She did not get this far by caring what others thought of her.
Instead she closed her eyes to enjoy the taste on her tongue and feel the breeze drench her skin. She just had to say something to break up the pretentiousness of the conversation.

It is too dark for her to see.
The light burns her skin so she hides.

Would Morgan face the same fate?

"Morgan perhaps you could tell Dante about your work. I'm sure he'd be delighted to hear about what brought you to Portofino."
Angeline said with fear that she may have lost yet another suitor for her friend who entrances with her beauty, but unleashes a sword from her lips.
Angeline knew any man would fall madly in love with her.
Morgan would never allow that.

A union in its purest form becomes part of our very essence.
When that union is broken our essence is changed forever.
Grace is at the core of tragedy.
Once in the free fall of disgrace the only way to change the momentum is to use it to your advantage.

Morgan with a few sweet words, a flutter of her eyes, a dash of induction, a refill of each wine glass and a subtle dance slipped away from the polite conversation into the kitchen to put the finishing touches on the main course. Food was a place of freedom and adventure for her. She could grow it, nurture it, caress it and it would bring a lively joy bright enough to merge souls.

"Let me help lovey" Angeline said softly. "Tell me what I can do. This platter needs fresh herbs and a bit more sprinkling of oil..."

She asked for instruction, but never took it.
Angie was a dear friend to Morgan for as long as she could remember.

"A bit much, Ang?" Morgan asked unapologetic.
"We all just want to see you happy doll. You deserve it. After everything..." Angie paused uncomfortable with raw emotions.

Something had taken a bite out of her so big that she would never recover.
It was visible to the naked eye.
The pieces shattered around her like remains.

"Happiness is about a lot of things. You know if that topic comes up I can't help but divulge.
Marriage feels like religion. Those who covet it are antsy until everyone else does it too.
Like somehow it's affirmation that they aren't making a horrible mistake
as long as the rest of society conforms to this way of living with them.
It lessens the sacrifice when everyone joins the herd. I don't want to join the herd Ang!"

Angeline smiled and drizzled and danced a little while humming and nodding in obvious disagreement.
"I know honey you are independent and bold beyond belief. I get it. I do...I..." Angie continued humming and whispering her responses as she became seduced by the plush sprigs of rosemary, dill, lavender and the aroma of ginger on her finger tips.

"Remember in the movie 'French Kiss, "you spend your entire life building something and then one night someone forgets to put out their cigarette and it all burns to the ground." Very relevant." Morgan loved films and how they contributed to unadulterating the norms society worked so hard to instill.

"Oh dear that's a movie and she was talking about a house, not a marriage. It's love Morgan, everyone needs love." Angie began to look flushed and sweaty on her brow.

There was an innocence to what Angie believed.
She observed her friend twirling her wedding ring around, and around on her finger nervously.
She admired Angeline's way of life - the mutual adoration her and her husband shared was so blissful. Cuddling every night. Sharing a home. It seemed miles and moons and worlds away from where she was standing.

"If all marriages looked like you and George - well now - that would be different wouldn't it, Angeline." Morgan said to be sure she hadn't become offensive and would smooth it over with the guest to maintain her place as an elegant lady always gracious to company. Anything else would just be...un-southern.

"I think in time you will change your mind. You know what I mean Morgan. You can't just stay alone in this big house forever. Give Dante a chance. You might like him. He has a wonderful family and his future couldn't be brighter. Do you feel any sparks? Any at all?"

"I'm sorry...you lost me at...wonderful...Mr.Wonderful...oh how that just makes my ass twitch.
Sparks don't come easy now do they Angie?" Morgan said with a childish grin.

"Not for you dear. A simple blow in my ear, a whistle when I walk and I'm all yours. Put a ring on my finger and I'll love you forever." Angie said with a southern twang that made your heart melt like a June bug, on a daisy, on the fourth of July.

They brought the food to the table with the help from a few kitchen staff members.
Everything had been freshly picked or squeezed from the surrounding estate gardens and vineyards. It smelled and tasted like heaven had joined them for dinner.
For a time, while they ate, there was a harmony, which played even without the cellist.

"Remember destiny has two ways of crushing us by refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them."
A persons true destiny can only be revealed at the end of their journey.
And the story I have to tell is far from over.

photo credit: www.mamabee.com 

"Sun Tzu, the great Chinese strategist, wrote that one of the rules of war is to know the enemy."